


Fear Just Fell From a Loaded Sleeve

by MonokumaCuddles (SucculentStrawberries)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Doomed Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Execution, F/F, Femslash, Femslash February, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internal Conflict, Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Love/Hate, Moral Dilemmas, One Shot, Opposites Attract, POV Female Character, Spoilers, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 11:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22710226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SucculentStrawberries/pseuds/MonokumaCuddles
Summary: Fluent in the tongue of greed,A master at the art of sleaze,Whose walls are a fiendish grin. - 'Rivolta Silenziosa', Humanwine~~~In the aftermath of yet another execution, Kirigiri struggles to come to grips with the validity of it all. Was anything real? Can you believe 'The Queen of Liars'? More importantly, why had a seeker of the truth been drawn to her in the first place?
Relationships: Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg
Kudos: 23
Collections: Femslash February





	Fear Just Fell From a Loaded Sleeve

**Author's Note:**

> As far as I know there aren't rules that femfeb content has to be pleasant c': So have some angst for one of my favourite ships! 💔
> 
> For once I tried to stick to a short thing and not go on a massive tangent 10k oneshot lol, so... this was an experiment. I do plan to post more for february but it'll depend on my schedule!
> 
> This was also a legit oneshot because I wrote it all in one sitting. Look at me not being late for once! :D

_ Vehicular death is one of the most common types of deaths. _

She wasn't sure where she had heard that fact, but like many of the things she found herself thinking in this place, she was certain it had to be true. She had learned it, somewhere, sometime.

If it wasn't such a sadistic, twisted slap in the face, it might have been an amusing bit of irony.

_ After what she did, some might say it served her right. Perhaps we should even be laughing. _

But no one was laughing. She wasn't laughing.

The air conditioning of the building wasn't helping remove the sheen of sweat upon her face. The last remnants of heat from the massive burning pire.

_ You were burned, but not in the way you'd had in mind… _

Marie Antoinette had not been hit by a car.

Celestia Ludenberg and Taeko Yasuhiro had been hit with a sickening crunch. 

Grinding, followed by a splatter, and their Principal's complaint about how long it would take to scrape her remains out of his grill. He'd then gone on to cackle about how funny it was that something on a grill wasn't even charred, and she'd had to step away before she risked vomiting.

The key's teeth dug against her gloves, the tip jabbing against her palm. She wished it was able to draw blood.

She certainly felt like she'd been cut open.

Three lives, just for money. It was unbelievable. All of the motives so far had been ridiculous, ludicrous excuses, but  _ money _ …

It was so damn  _ selfish. _

Celeste had looked her in the eyes, and the only remorse she'd seen in them was that she'd been caught.

_ All of our lives were fine to throw away, just to save your own skin... _

And wasn't  _ that _ hypocritical? Had she not been just as selfish, voting for her execution to save her own life? Each of her classmates had done the same. Over and over again. As long as the life lost wasn't yours, it…

It wasn't an  _ easy _ choice, but it was too easy to make.

_ You're a liar. You've always been a liar, ever since you set foot in here with us. _

_ 'You always see through to the truth, don't you?'  _ Celeste had chuckled after she'd been beckoned over. _ 'I knew if anyone would see past my brilliant deceptions, it would be you. While I am not happy to have lost this little game, I will say that I am not disappointed to lose to you.' _

Was she disappointed to only feel black leather when she'd handed her the key?

_ 'Will it really give you the hope you're looking for? I can't say I ever saw it that way... Which is why... Actually, it's not important.' _

It's not important.

And wasn't that the biggest lie of all? One that had fallen from both of their mouths at one point or another. One that had been uttered silently between them in that final moment, with equally blank faces and without a single tear to shed.

It's not important. 

What they had wasn't important.

They aren't scared.

They aren't afraid to die.

When it comes down to the wire, and their ideologies are too opposed to compromise anymore, they aren't afraid to kill each other.

_ 'Perhaps we'll meet again, in another life.' _

One last lie, one last false smile. One last hope she didn't believe in.

There is another hope Celestia didn't believe in, walking next to her as she leads the remaining members of their dwindling class towards the storage lockers. She only listens enough to answer his questions, her fist clenching around the key until she wonders if she'll break it. She doesn't loosen her grip, and she ignores the flames broiling from the pit of her stomach and flaring up into her chest. She knows it's illogical, but the hallways smell like smoke.

Her dorm room afterwards smells like smoke. The stench has wormed its way into her clothes and hair, black ash clinging to every surface, and scrubbing her skin raw under a boiling shower still doesn't remove it.

Celeste's ghost is clinging to her like tar, smothering her when she tries to sleep, forcing her to gag and gasp when she jolts awake because she can't breathe.

She hates it.

She hates  _ her _ .

She hates her  _ so much _ she can't stand it.

~~~

The days pass in a fog. A misty white cloud that is occasionally broken by her classmates or Monokuma's interruptions, or her own investigations, but it never dissipates. It swirls and it suffocates and it obscures, it steams when it comes into contact with her blazing skin or flares from frustrated nostrils, but it always lingers in at least the corners of her vision.

Burning wood can release nitrogen oxide. Perhaps that's what the cloud is.

It's certainly poisoning her.

On the fourth day, the cloud pulls back to reveal the short brunette that has insisted on befriending her. They are not friends, despite what she's told him during her apology. She shouldn't  _ have _ friends, not really. But they  _ are _ allies, and that's enough of a reason to at least tune in to what he has to say. 

"Hey, Kirigiri?" Makoto is tentative. There's even more apprehension filling his voice than usual when he's about to question her, and she dreads whatever's about to spill from his mouth. "You've seemed… distant lately." She's always distant, and he knows that.  _ 'More than usual' _ is the addition left hanging unsaid. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't suppose you've remembered  _ where we are _ when you asked that." she deadpans, and he balks, but doesn't back down entirely. Typical. So doggedly persistent, it's almost infuriating.

"You know what I mean." he sighs, concerned olive eyes boring into her. "Are  _ you _ okay?"

_ In a situation like this, you're asking if I'm _ **_fucking okay…_ **

She wants to laugh. 

She wants to scream, or maybe even cry. 

She can't, and it isn't fair.

She's watched him cry during or after almost every trial, every death, every execution. She's watched him fall apart over Sayaka and Junko and Leon, over Chihiro and Mondo, and now over Hifumi, Taka, and… and  _ her _ . 

Eight people. Eight times she's had to watch the heartbreak on his face, listen to the grief in his voice, feel the way he trembled under the crushing weight on his shoulders.

The weight of the remaining lives. The weight of  _ the world _ , it felt like, as dramatic as such a statement was.

It isn't  _ fair _ that she doesn't get to break down, to collapse into his arms or onto the floor and sob and wail until there's nothing left. It isn't fair that she isn't allowed to grieve like her classmates, like a normal human being. She has to be the robot everyone accuses her of being.

Because if she breaks down and crumbles, even for a second, none of them are going to get out of here.  _ She _ won't get out of here. And then all of those sacrifices, all of the difficult choices they've had to make, will be for nothing.

Celeste's death will be in vain. As will the two men she so selfishly murdered. 

All of it would be pointless. 

She can't allow it all to be pointless. Because if there's no point to any of it, then… why did it have to happen?

She already knows the answer, of course. It never had to happen. 

It  _ never _ had to happen, but it did. And there's no taking it back.

If there's no taking it back, then all any of them can do- All  _ she _ can do, is accept it and move forward. 

"I'm fine." she states, as firmly and expressionlessly as ever. Because the Ultimate Gambler is not the only one capable of lying, especially to herself. And before Makoto can challenge her, can debate with her, she drags him off towards the dressing rooms. "There's something I need you to do for me." And that's the end of the conversation, as it should be. Because there is nothing left to discuss.

Just as there is nothing left to bury. Just as there are no more mysterious pictures for Alter Ego to find.

There is nothing left of Celestia Ludenberg. 

There is nothing left of Taeko Yasuhiro.

And if they don't come up with a plan and keep moving forward, there will be nothing left of them either.

_ 'Take care, everyone!' _

While, in the moment of being dragged away by Monokuma, a large part of that may very well have meant  _ 'FUCK ALL OF YOU, YOU FILTHY SWINE!!!' _ , she did not believe the sentiment was entirely a lie.

For the briefest second, Celestia's lips had quivered.

An action only noticeable to one who had known those lips themselves.

Her own had tightened into a thin line, and she doubted they would untighten any time soon.

Not until they had bested The Mastermind.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, I love hearing from you all! ❤ Have a wonderful day!


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